Monday, February 20, 2012

Mandate Mania!

That stupid Constitution of ours is so obnoxious!  With all its checks and balances and limitations on what one man can do, it’s enough to drive an aspiring dictator crazy!  Luckily, we’ve found a nifty way around all that, and it’s called “The Mandate”.

How cool is The Mandate?  Take The Mortgage Mandate from the 90’s.  This was a mandate on banks to provide mortgages to anyone who could fog a mirror.  No obvious tax increase needed.  No contentious new laws passed.  There would not even be any resistance from the banks, once they were promised two escape hatches:  Fannie and Freddie.  

The Mortgage Mandate was pure genius.  It delivered millions of votes for Democrats, didn’t cost taxpayers a dime (initially), didn’t raise any suspicions at the time, and when it finally blew-up, the stink all landed on…Republican, George W. Bush.  It was the perfect crime!        

Bill Clinton knew that he could not provide subsidized mortgages to his voters the Constitutional way.  No, that would require a huge tax increase and legislative (bipartisan) action.  That would have been way too messy, and could easily take longer than sex with an intern.  But, through the magic of The Mortgage Mandate, it was a discreet quickee, all done behind the back of that annoying document from Philadelphia.  

Ditto Obama’s brand new Contraception Mandate;  Barack Obama knows the key to his reelection is white women.  He kicked butt among white women last time and, this time around, it’s just not clear that they hate Mitt Romney as much as they did John McCain. 

Obama really needs white women.  He needs white women more than Otis Day and the Knights.  So, what better way to win support among white women than the promise of government subsidized orgasms?  That’s right, under Obama’s free birth control mandate, every woman can have unlimited sex at no cost to herself!  How cool is that?  Who would vote against that? 

Well, the fans of that pesky document from 1787 for one, but they didn’t vote for Obama in the first place.  Also, strict Catholic white males who are similarly useless to an Obama re-election campaign.  And who get’s to pay for this?  Nobody.  It’s magical and free! 

This whole debate about the so-called “individual mandate” is another matter entirely.   Regardless of how one feels about the constitutionality at the state or federal level, at least the individual insurance mandate is a tax levied on voters, despite Obama’s denials.   The Mortgage and Free Sex Mandates do a handy end-run around those pesky balloteers, as do nearly all the other mandates in that monstrosity known as Obamacare.  The Obamacare Mandates make The Mortgage Mandate look insignificant in comparison.      

I used to believe that the Supreme Court would never let us slip into anarchy; that they would ultimately defend the Constitution and preserve The Rule of Law.  Experience has taught me otherwise.  The People are the last line of defense, but tragically, The People can be cheaply bought for the false promise of free McMansions, Free Sex, and Free Healthcare.   

(If you got here by searching for Kate Upton, my apologies.)  

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