An Open Letter from Benjamin Netanyahu to The American People

Dear America,

I too share your desire for peace.  Like you, I am tired of the seemingly endless cycle of violence.  It gets to the point where no one can even tell you where it all began.  And certainly each side has its own version of history!  

I have a unique proposal that will once and for all put and end to this conflict.  Of course, some hard choices will have to be made.  I know I can trust the American people to hear me out, and give this some careful thought.  If we agree that peace is the desired outcome, and that neither side has been able to secure it yet, what choice do we have but to try something new?  Doing the same thing and expecting a different result is the very definition of insanity, right? 

Let’s look at some of the elements we can all agree on before getting into the specifics: 

1. Both sides believe their positions are justified and worth fighting for. 
2. One side has the military might, and the other suffers disproportionate casualties. 
3. Both sides would like to exist and govern themselves in a manner to their liking. 
4. The international community has put its faith in “land for peace” as an appropriate solution.

In light of the above, I do recommend swapping land to allow the nation-less to establish their own self-governed nation.  The new nation would be free to pursue all the freedoms enjoyed by nations everywhere:  they will be able to arm and defend themselves, they will be free to trade with other nations, they can make and produce all the things they currently produce and disseminate.  They would be free to establish Sharia Law if they please.  We may not agree with the things they produce, what they disseminate, or how they treat others, but it would be their country, ruled by them, sovereign, free, and independent. 

There are already examples of Muslims living peacefully with non-Muslims all over the world.  Several such examples are already right in your own country.  Dearborn, Michigan is sometimes referred to as “Dearbornistan” owing to its majority Muslim population.  There are similar examples throughout the US in numerous states.  Perhaps the best example is Illinois, which has more Muslims per capita than any other state, and no one thinks of Illinois as a terror state!

Once established, this new state would be a beacon for like-minded people to immigrate to and live in peace, free of the oppression they currently experience thanks to the endless conflict.  Bombings, raids, drone attacks, captures, prisons, -war itself - will no longer be an imperative!  I know this will not be easy, but it must be done and it must be done now!

Therefore, I believe Illinois would be the perfect place to establish the new state of “al Qaedastan”, or if you prefer, “ISIS” (Islamic State of Illinois and Syria”), a two-state solution, which will once-and-for-all end the violence.  Finally, America and al Qaeda, living side-by-side in peace.  Join me America, and stop this madness now! 

Sincerely,

Benjamin Netanyahu

Prime Minister, Israel

P.S.  A majority of The UN has already endorsed this proposal.  This must be done at once if the US hopes to remain among the community of nations.

P.P.S.  I also believe that Khalid Sheik Muhammad, the political prisoner currently in your custody, should be freed like Nelson Mandela, and would likely rise to lead the new nation of al Qaedastan.  Furthermore, I have taken the liberty to nominate KSM to the Nobel Committee for consideration for the peace prize.  As expected, they are onboard 100%!