EXCLUSIVE! An Open Letter to Barack Obama from Bibi Netanyahu

(I have amazing sources in Israel and have been given exclusive access to this letter from Bibi to Barack:)

Dear Mr. President,

Now that the Israeli election is behind us, there are a world of possibilities in front of us.  I believe we both agree that it is our duty as our nation's respective leaders to choose the path which best leads to peace domestically and abroad.  Towards that end, I would like to discuss an idea about which much has been made of late:  a two state solution.

As has been reported, I did indicate that a two state solution will not arise during my term.  What was not reported was that this was within the context of the last few years experience.  The Palestinians have been in a constant state of war with my country and continue to deny our right to exist.  There can be no two state solution between Israel and the Palestinians without two peaceful partners willing to coexist.

But there is another path to a two state solution.  Allow me to explain.  

I have a unique proposal that will once and for all put and end to this conflict.  I know I can trust you and the American people to hear me out and give this some careful thought.  If we agree that peace is the desired outcome, and that neither side has been able to secure it after all these years, we must try something new.  Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is the very definition of insanity, right? 

Let’s look at some of the elements we can all agree on before getting into the specifics: 

1. Both sides believe their positions are correct, justified, and worth defending. 
2. One side has the military might and the other suffers disproportionately. 
3. Both sides would like to exist and govern themselves in a manner to their liking. 
4. The international community, including the US, has long thought that “land for peace” is the appropriate solution.

In light of the above, I do recommend swapping land to allow those without a country to establish their own self-governed nation.  They would be free to establish their own government, their own bill of rights, and their own laws.   They would be free to arm and defend themselves,  trade with other nations, and produce and export what they choose. We may not agree with how they treat others, what they disseminate, or what their Sharia laws say, but it would be their country, ruled by them, sovereign, free, and independent.

The key Mr. President is you.  You've said that you've got a pen and a phone.  The American people have granted you the power to act unilaterally on whatever you choose.  Whether that be healthcare, immigration, the IRS, internet regulation, prisoner swaps, etc., you have proven you do not need bi-partisan approval to achieve your goals.  Mr. President, you can singlehandedly establish a two state solution with just your pen and your phone!

Here's my plan:

I have done some research and found that your home state of Illinois is the most Muslim state in the US.  Therefore, I believe Illinois would be the perfect place to establish the new Islamic Caliphate, or “ISIL” (The Islamic State of Illinois)!  

If ISIL (The Islamic State of Illinois) were to adopt your own immigration policies, The Palestinians, al Qaeda, ISIS, The Taliban, Ansar al-Sharia, Hezbollah, The Muslim Brotherhood, etc., would all immigrate to the new nation of ISIL.  Not only would this bring lasting peace to the Mid East, but the conflict between America and the Jihadis would finally be over.   Imagine ISIS, al Qaeda, and America living side-by-side in peace!

All it would take is a simple trade of land for peace, which you can do today with your pen and your phone.   Join me Mr. President in this elegant two state solution.  Together we can stop the unnecessary fighting between America and the Jihadis once and for all.
  

Sincerely,

Benjamin Netanyahu

Prime Minister, Israel

P.S.  A majority of The UN has already seen this proposal and endorsed it.  You must use your pen and phone quickly if the US hopes to remain among the community of nations!

P.P.S.  I also believe that Khalid Sheik Muhammad, the political prisoner currently in your custody, should be freed at once like Nelson Mandela.   KSM would then lead the new nation of ISIL!  Moreover, I have taken the liberty to nominate KSM to the Nobel Committee for consideration for the Peace Prize.  As expected, they are onboard 100%.

P.P.S.S.  My understanding is that Illinois is currently bankrupt, so this plan is actually a threefer. Not only will it bring a two state solution and peace to the world, it's also a stimulus plan for your home state!